In Dreams
by J Plash
Summary: Spoilers for ep25. It wasn’t until Lelouch was walking away that Suzaku remembered he’d had this dream before. It wasn’t until she heard him whisper that name in his sleep, dozing at his desk, that Kallen was sure she knew Zero. Post-series, Suzaku angst.


A/N: Another Code Geass fic. You know a final ep is amazing when you're still crying at a word and madly ficcing three days later :P Post-series, Suzaku dreams.

Spoilers for everything. Reviews much appreciated.

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In Dreams

Kallen wasn't sure it was him until the day he fell asleep at his computer, head drooping against his chest. The outfit had been carefully designed—even like that, the collar came up high enough that she saw no skin at the back of his neck, not a strand of hair to give him away. She wasn't even sure he was asleep—he was usually too focused for that, and it wasn't exactly the most natural position to sleep in. Kallen knew how to watch, though, and to listen, and there was no reason for Zero to fake that deep breathing, that slowed heartbeat, the relaxation she never saw in him. It almost made her smile, sort of—he really was human.

She only meant to wake him up—he deserved the sleep, but there was work to do, and even in this peace she felt nervous to see him so vulnerable. But when he shifted as she got close, shifted and whispered that name like a sob and a prayer into the mask, just audible in the silence, she knew that she was right. Of course it was him. Who else could it be?

She didn't know how in hell he'd survived, but strange as it was, Kallen was relieved. If Lelouch had had to die for them, at least the one who'd carried on was the only one he'd ever really trusted in the first place. At least this confirmed what she knew already—that it had all come together just as he'd planned, in the end. At least there would never be doubt—Lelouch's plans would go on as he'd intended, because this one would never betray them, not again.

Kallen almost went back to waking him, but as the whisper stirred the air again, she turned around and walked away instead. She couldn't let anyone else see him like this—it would have been disastrous if anyone but she had heard the anything-but-hatred when he whispered that name—but if she stood guard at the door, she could let him dream a little longer.

They had made their peace, both of them, in death and in life. They deserved that much.

Inside the mask, gloved hands limp on the desk, shoulders for once slumped, fragile lids covering burning green eyes, Suzaku grasped Lelouch's hand. Lelouch smirked in that way that inevitably made Suzaku want to push him over, just 'cause he could. He didn't, because Lelouch was wearing those white robes and he couldn't be that way to the emperor in public, out in the garden, even though no one else was here. But he did raise an eyebrow, and tense his arm, tighten his hand just enough that Lelouch got the message—as if he ever really forgot Suzaku's strength in the first place—and bowed his head a little and smiled properly, truly, really, the way he always did when it was just them, even the days when Suzaku held him on the ground and tried to glare as though it might actually make Lelouch admit he'd lost.

It wasn't until Lelouch pulled away his hand and smiled that same knowing, warm, beautiful smile that had always belonged on those lips that Suzaku remembered he'd had this dream before. It wasn't until Lelouch was walking away, stepping slowly forward, and Suzaku's feet were rooted to the ground that he remembered he'd had this dream every night since the last time he'd seen that smile break. It wasn't until Lelouch had turned back in the distance, and bowed his head and smiled that smile one more time and disappeared into the air like so much smoke that Suzaku knew he was living the nightmare, not the dream. It wasn't until the dream circled back to the start and Lelouch was walking up behind him again that the name left his lips in a whisper, like a sob, like a prayer.

"Lelouch."

Kallen knew who Zero was, and she knew why he stood so strong. But she never told him.

Lelouch had died for all of them. This was a pain that Suzaku had to bear alone.


End file.
